Also the second one, is just something I made up really quickly for my mate katie. She seems to like it a fair bit, and I reckon it suits her prefectly.
I am a hermit that has been living in a cave at the foot of a mountain in a location I will not disclose for fear that those damn federal police may once again fire up the search for "Roody McLibbido"; notorious Crack fiend and prostitute who ruled the fast-paced streets of Balga for 12 years before being jailed by the coppas in '03.
In my time in prision, I met many companions, some who taught me the secret ways of the criminal underworld and others who simply showed me the blissful meaning of Christmas. I owe special thanks to Big Bertha, a half Canadian, half Russian Polarbear who spent many a long winter snuggled up to my side in those icy cold Casuarina cells. Bertha, I will miss your silibant threats, smotherring and casual shanking during those lonely nights.
Upon leaving prision on good behaviour (and serving only half a sentence), I decided to reform my ways and become a childrens entertainer. However after months of working as the stunt double for tinky winky I lost my passion for riding scooters and tele-tubby-toast-time and was fired by my boss; a 13 year old executive pain in the arse called Ruben. I hear he is now hit the big time with his stage production of Clifford the dog showing mondays through to thrusdays at the Morley Arts Center; the uppedy fuck.
In recent years I have left the material world behind, venturing deep into the Forrestdale nature preserve to escape the pressures of tangible goods and the commitments of my shot gun wedding to Bertlan; a hungarian meat packer who invented the sensational ebay product "Smokey-tunes"; a electronic bong with inbuilt strobe light that plays the hampster dance with every puff. I now spend my days sucking moss off of tree roots and shooting the various protected wildlife for pleasure.
My new hobby is kidnapping young fat women in order to create an attractive skin suit and matching sleeeping bag to get me through next winter.
I have done well for myself so far.
Katies Bio:
So this one time, I went to this one place, you know? The place that’s like just down past McDonalds if you take that one shitty road, but not in Hannah’s car, Hannah’s car’s a fucking piece of crap, but yeah but no but, anyway I told her that if she keeps seeing Ricky Martinez, then shit’s gunna go down, cause I so heard Karen, you remember Karen, that slag hoe bitch who wanted everyone to spell her name with a ‘C’ cause that’s how they do in that one movie where the guy is a dick and then isn’t a dick, but I still think the movie sucked, cause this one time Becky asked Mr Peters, like who invented dicks and Mr peters said it was God, cause god wanted to make the world and have men and women re-populate it, but I was like Mr Peters that is soooooo mingin` bullshit cause if god’s a man-god, why didn’t he just use his own penis and make tones of hoe bitches. But yeah, see Mr Peters got all shut down, cause that’s what I do, then he was all like URGHHH KATIE this is the fourth-grade, please be respectful, and I was like listen hear woman I watched a show on the BBC which I’m pretty sure is code for something, but I don’t really know, but then again Hannah was all like up in my face saying how her cousin Romano was all into LSD one day like tripping and fuck, but not fuck cause he totally walked into their headquarters and like the entire place is run by was like that movie with all the aliens, and everyone pulled off their faces and he was all like shit man, like I don’t know, but this is what he told his friend Miguel who slept with Rachael and then she totally had that lezzo moment where she tried to pet Hannah’s furry clam , but she told her right before. Which is seriously why I don’t think Mexican bitches should be lezzo cause I totally had her come on to me, and I was all like, yeah could totally get my scissor sister on but then shen she came up to me she had like a beard going, actually not like a beard, like cat-fish hairs, and I was all like guuurlll, what the fuck are they on your face, you look like Osama, like I would so know though cause Becky’s stepdad is like totally from Iran or something, er, actually I think he’s just south American, but yeah, they’re like the same thing which is what I totally told Emma, but she didn’t believe me cause her dad works in secret service and can like apparently tell the difference between that stuff but he got shot one day like not while he was working in the secret service, he was buying some of those Reeces Pieces, from the store down near that one place that is just past Mc Donald’s that I totally went to in Hannah’s car…. That fucking bitch.
Ah yes, the joys of being mildly retarded...ishax.
Cool story, bro.
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